how do you express your love?
Have you ever felt like you are not understood by someone? That the amount of effort or care you put in is not being reciprocated back? Maybe that person is not right for you or maybe you both simply have a different love language.
Many people may not realize it, but love languages are an important aspect when it comes to relationships. Whether that is romantic, with friends, or with family, the way we show love is different from everyone.
A while ago I decided to take the love language quiz just because I was curious myself, what is the main way I show love to others? I believe that I share my love physically. I usually give out hugs and like being close to my loved ones, I went into this test thinking that was going to be number one.
However I was wrong! Turns out my main love language is quality time. I thought about it for a second and then realized how true it is. Although I am physically affectionate, I do like to hang out with my loved ones and see them often whenever I get the chance. I also really appreciate good listeners and usually am the one to reach out when I want to see someone.
The results went like this from what I can remember:
Tamanna’s Love Language
- Quality Time
- Words of Affirmation
- Physical Touch
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
In this post, I will be breaking down what each love language means and share some examples on how to better connect with the people around you.
who came up with this?
The 5 Love Languages is a book written by counselor, writer, and radio host Gary Chapman. In 1992, he published the book that created a new way of thinking when it comes to love and relationships.
Each love language is different and depends on our personality. I think when more people figure out what their love language is, they can better understand not only themselves, but how their love is perceived and given with the people in their life.
acts of service
Imagine this simple scenario. You come back home after a long day from work and your partner already made you a nice dinner and even washes the dishes after. This special person is sharing their love as an act of service.
People who have acts of service as their love language, share their love through actions and doing things to help you. Giving you snacks when you are hungry, taking care of you when you are sick, picking you up from the airport, helping you study for an exam are just a few examples. They are the “actions speak louder than words” kind of people.
It’s important to note that people who have this love language, do acts of service without the expectation of getting something in return. These people simply do it because that is the way they show love.
physical touch
This kind of love language can be misconstrued just for romantic partners but that is not true. Physical touch isn’t all about intimacy, it also applies to family and friends. When you are physically being there for a person it’s as meaningful as physical touch.
A few examples are giving out hugs, holding hands, walking arm in arm, and physically going to an event with a friend or partner for support. These actions make the other person feel connected and safe.
Everyone has their own comfort level when it comes to touch, so not everyone you meet is going to like physical affection. Personally, I know many people who are not the type to like physical affection and that’s okay!
I remember when I was much younger, my older sister (definitely not the one who likes physical affection) would be annoyed whenever I would be super close to her. I thought to myself as a child, that my sister was mean because she didn’t do the same with me.
However, as I have gotten older I understood that it was just not her way of showing love. As a matter of fact, my sister is very loving and shows it through acts of service!
So it’s important to note that if physical touch is your primary love language and the other person doesn’t reciprocate it, it does not mean they don’t like you. The other person simply doesn’t like to be too close or touchy, and would rather show their love in another way.
receiving gifts
This kind of love language can make one have the idea that it is “materialistic” but that is not what it means at all. When someone receives a gift from a special person it simply means that the gift makes the other person feel loved and appreciated. The thoughtfulness behind a gift is what makes them feel loved.
This kind of love language came last for me. Although I appreciate receiving gifts, it’s not something I usually expect from my loved ones to validate that they love and care for me.
However, for many others the little things like buying a friend a book they been wanting to read, remembering your partner liking a certain item and then gifting it to them, or picking up a friend’s favorite desert and giving it to them as a surprise are meaningful.
I find this love language as a very sweet gesture because it shows that the person was thinking of you when buying the gift. It is a physical reminder that your partner or friend thought about you, was listening to you when you talked about the things you like, and that you matter to them.
quality time
The more I read up on quality time, the more true it seems to be with me as my number one love language. When I am hanging out with the people I love, I feel so happy. It doesn’t even have to be a huge event like going on road trip, but even just getting lunch or having a really great conversation means a lot to me.
When it comes to quality time, it’s more than spending time with the people you like being around. It also means that you are giving someone their undivided attention.
Imagine this, you are talking to someone and they say they are listening to you but they are on their phone. Yes, I have been there a few times and I find it incredibly rude! That’s because it feels like the person is not interested in what you are saying, their actions speak otherwise.
When you spend quality time with someone, uninterrupted time together makes the other person feel comforted and appreciated in that moment.
Some examples of quality time are going on trips, doing a hobby together, getting food together, going on walks, hosting an event, or even just casually catching up with someone.
words of affirmation
When it comes to words of affirmation, these are the people that express their love in words that encourage and appreciate their partner or friend.
Compliments, supportive words, and even words of appreciation are important to the other person. In a way, sometimes all it takes for someone to continue with a task or feel loved is with a few meaningful words.
Everyone can say “I love you” but saying it from the heart makes a huge difference. It’s a bit complicated because these days people say anything and then their actions prove otherwise.
This is why it’s important that the words are genuine and not just thrown around. A few examples are saying things like:
“You are always so good at baking! These taste amazing!”
“You can do it! I know you will be able to do this.”
“Wow your hair looks so beautiful!”
“I am so grateful I have you as a friend.”
Letting the other person know how much you mean to them or acknowledging their progress towards a goal would mean a lot. It can also be a way to motivate the person to keep trying for something and in turn, they would consider that as feeling loved.
This came second for me in the quiz. I guess I do appreciate when people notice the effort I put in something and when someone tells me that they are there for me. At times, I tend to be hard on myself and I work on not being like that too much, but when my loved ones let me know “it’s okay” I do feel a sense of ease and comfort.
I think that is why when I also listen to music, I really admire good lyrics equally as good music.
I would love to know what your love language is! Are you more of an acts of service kind of a person or is getting a sweet gift the way to your heart? Everyone is different so let’s learn to appreciate how each person gives out their love and take the time to understand how we give and receive love too.
Leave a Reply