How I learned to love myself as a Punjabi girl in CT

I believe that a part of our environment can influence how you are as a person. In other words, if I was raised in a more urban environment, some aspects of my personality could have been different. However, I come from a Punjabi family and grew up in Connecticut, which is a fairly small state with small towns.

I have fond memories of growing up in Connecticut. The nature is what I cherish the most, I think the season of fall is the most beautiful here. Some other memories I have, is how I saw myself as a Punjabi-American girl. It sometimes made me think, who am I when I present myself to the world?

I have learned to embrace where I came from as I have grown up, and it has shown me how there is so much to love about being a Punjabi girl. There is so much to love in being someone that can speak another language, experience a bright culture, and have these features that make me who I am.

---

my name

For the longest time, I let people pronounce my name wrong. In a way, it became like another identity for me. I only let this happen because it was easier for others.

It was easy for my teachers and other students to say my name the wrong way, and I was rather shy to correct anyone. This was due to the fact that correcting my name to my teachers, often led to them hesitating in calling me again.

I got so used to people outside my family addressing me by my “American” name, that I automatically started introducing myself that way to anyone I met.

As I got older, I was done with being called a name that wasn’t even mine. I started to say my name the proper way, the way that my parents gave to me. I still had to correct others, but I stood my ground and refused to be called something else.

When people started to say my name correctly, I felt like I claimed a part of my true self. I am aware that my name is not the easiest to pronounce, but I always appreciate when anyone puts in the effort.

a simple kiddo

There was a good amount of diversity when I went to school, but there was barley any South Asian kids. In my elementary school it was only me and my sister.

I remember when I was younger, my mother always used to oil my hair and put it in a braid before I went to school. I still remember the sandalwood scent and how I almost never opened up my hair. This was simply because my long hair was difficult for me to maintain when it was out.

Interestingly enough, I was not bothered by my appearance. Even though I knew that I looked different than my peers, it was not something that made me feel very insecure.

I didn’t do much with my appearance growing up. When it came to makeup, I didn’t wear any all throughout middle and high school. I wore glasses, had my hair in either a braid or a ponytail, and I always had dark hair and eyes.

I stayed neutral in the way I looked because I had yet to realize how I can work with my appearance.

Eventually, I started to learn to wear some makeup once in a while and I began to open up my hair more. I found my own style too when it came to clothes and fashion.

When I was in school, I only wished that there could be someone else that I can relate to as a brown girl, but that wouldn’t happen until much later when I went to college.

is there anyone else like me?

I had very few Punjabi friends or even South Asian friends in general growing up, because there wasn’t that huge of a Punjabi community in Connecticut.

However, this has led me to build friendships and connections with other people.

My friends come from all different backgrounds and cultures which I love and appreciate. At the end of the day, it’s all about who you like being around and whether you can connect with them.

As soon as I started college, I got to meet some really kind and supportive brown girls, which I never would have expected since I didn’t meet too many throughout my life at that point.

Usually there is a stereotype that not all brown girls can get along with each other, due to reasons such as competition and even insecurity. But I can say that it’s not entirely true.

Although it’s extremely rare, real and mature friendships can happen within our Punjabi or South Asian community as long as you stay true to yourself and open-hearted.

I think that is why I keep my circle small, because not everyone is like this. Although I like to make friends, I am aware that not everyone will be my friend. Even though we could both be Punjabi or come from a similar background.

Today, I still stay close to the few brown girls that I met when I was in college, and for that I am thankful.

loving myself

It can be hard to embrace who you are when there is no one that really looks like you or can identify with you.

But I began to appreciate who I am and how I look like when I realized how amazing it is to be my original self.

I definitely credit my family for a huge part of this. When we went to any wedding or a family get together, it was always made as a positive experience for me. I loved wearing different Punjabi suits and jewelry to events and being a part of all the customs.

My sister and I also joined a local bhangra team outside of school for two years, which elevated my self-confidence and appreciation of my culture. Bhangra is an energetic style of dance that comes from Punjab, I am glad that I had my sister alongside me, who found the same things relatable with me as a Punjabi girl.

Moreover, when I was in high school Rupi Kaur came out with her stunning poetry book Milk & Honey. I remember I saw excerpts of them on social media, and wanted to read her book because I was intrigued by her poems.

A few other non-South Asian girls in my grade also liked her book. It was unbelievable to me, that there was recognition of a young Punjabi woman and her art that made more of us seen. I felt proud to see a “Kaur” at my local Barnes & Noble.

Moreover, when I was in college, I couldn’t have imagined creating a cultural club called “UConn Virsa.” But I started it because I had pride in where I came from, and I wanted others to see it and be a part of that.

Although growing up, I couldn’t tell other people at my school about some Punjabi songs I was listening to or share the food I packed from home when I had it for lunch, when I saw how all of this made me special, I realized how amazing it is when you embrace where you come from.

---

When it comes to loving yourself, it’s an endless journey. Especially as a woman, where putting ourselves first is not often seen as an option.

But it’s okay to love yourself. It’s okay to go after the things you like because it makes you happy. It’s okay to dress up because you want to look cute one day. & it’s okay to buy that plane ticket because you want to travel to that really awesome place.

Of course, I also have my insecurities just like everyone else does, but it is those things that make us human. Throughout it all, I work on loving myself, but I am proud at how far I have come. I thank my experiences for making me who I am today, and for making me slowly love myself.